I'm reading this book about Eastern Philosophy and wondering about these new concepts. I'm just grateful to be sitting here in my parents living room. They are both home. Mom is asleep, dad is downstairs watching television. It is 8:33 on a Monday evening, the cat was asleep on my lap before I moved him to another chair, now he is cleaning himself while I type on my laptop.
I'm looking at pictures from our vacation at the beach a few years ago and my cousin's wedding. Life is perfect just as it is today.
More people read this blog than I know, I'm not sure why. I hope you are happy right now in your life. I think it's very important to just be satisfied and fulfilled in each moment. I think this is a part of coming to a place of peace that Jesus promises us. I think I think too much, but I don't know any other way. I think, period. I think about what I'm thinking and if it's not peaceful, loving, positive, uplifting, encouraging, or useful. Then I change my thoughts.
Perhaps I'm just different. I like me and I'm not going to change.
At 29 and having spent six weeks in the hospital, three of them in the last month, I have had a lot of time to think. I'm not sick, it's not contagious, my bi-polar diagnosis is not fatal. I just have to take pills to stay balanced. I can't sleep without pills, if I don't sleep I don't function very well. It's been a tough journey to get to the right prescription for my problem.
Good doctors are hard to come by. I'm glad God finally led me to one with a brain! I don't feel anything on these pills, thank God, I feel like me! I am sleeping, it's a miracle! I have some fear that another manic period will come or life will be stressful and I'm afraid of not sleeping, but I feel confident with the doctors help I will get through any challenge. I am not normal like everyone else. I think and feel more, in my opinion. So if one of my parents suddenly died, I would think and feel so much I would go into over drive and stop sleeping, this lack of rest would produce some irrational behavior. So I need to take pills to regulate my brain chemicals. You never know when life will get stressful so I have to be on them all the time. I've learned not to ask, what happens when questions. When the time comes, God will put me in the hands of the right professionals to help me manage, period. I trust God. I have decided to life in a place of constant gratitude and wonder about what blessings I will receive next. I have more peace living this way, more joy too.
Saying goodbye to anxiety, fear and worry feels good and Christ like. I think this is how I was supposed to have been living all along.
